The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
