she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize