Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
