You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
