Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
