there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think i got beer on your cat.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
