guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
