yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
