I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize