Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
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