I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
