oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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