I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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