Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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