Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
