You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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