Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
