he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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