there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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