You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize