that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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