i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
