Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So much Jack, so little girl.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
