Have you finally orgasmed yet?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
