walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
