In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Every concussion has its silver lining
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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