yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
