He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize