Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
