i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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