she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize