My hand turned me down
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
