That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
this will be a night to untag.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
