Me too!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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