I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
