he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
