If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
