I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
