I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
