I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Your dad touched me again.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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