Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
