Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And then the night went full on bisexual.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
