pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
