My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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