tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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