i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
