I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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