Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
