She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
