i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
