none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
