you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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