My brain says no but my pants say off.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
