I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
