I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i dont even know how to be here
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
