come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
