It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think I just sharted jello shots
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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