thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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