these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
