I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
