just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
