i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
