why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
its liver damage thursday
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
