Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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