all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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