i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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