Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
