Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
