We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
