i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize