saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
