He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
