Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
