Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
