Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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