The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize