I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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