Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
