Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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