Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
