I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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