Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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