I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize